After 13 Driving Lessons

    This afternoon, my mother told me to go buy some food by myself 'cause she wanted to see if I could really get the food back home. That's what she said anyway, but I'm pretty sure she meant she wanted to see if I could make my way back alive without getting the car totaled. *shrugs*

    Please take note that I hadn't been driving for a month, and that was the first time I would drive without a driving instructur. Apparently ma wanted to see with her own eyes the food I bought home first before she would consider letting me drive to school. Obviously I was kinda psyched about it. I mean, common, which 18-year-old wouldn't wanna drive alone? It was like a chance to show off or prove one's worth or something VERY good for the ego. And it was a chance for me to prove that the rumours about me being very bad at driving were exaggerated. A little.

    It felt so good to be climbing on the huge monstrosity and to settle back on the driver's seat, adjusting everything like a pro. Then, things started going wrong. You see, pa had parked the car in a very err interesting way to get back at my neighbour (long story). Well, obviously I wasn't as pro as my father and the stupid car got stuck. Everywhere I turn, the wheels refused to budge somehow. *seethes* So there I was, my ego taking a sharp dive, stuck in front of my house, without even moving an inch.

    I was stuck there so long, ma finally noticed that something was amiss. So, she got downstairs and out of the house and helped me reverse the idiot into position, shaking her head and rolling her eyes all the while. So I cheered up a little and settled back into the seat again, and sent ma back into the house.

    And then, the car stubbornly refused to move forward. I restarted the car, reversed the car a little again and did everything even remotely likely to try to bring the car forward. And the car still rebeled against me! So there I was, stuck in front of my house, again. And ma came out ranting bout how I couldn't even drive, and noticed at once that I've went into the wrong gear. Sigh.

    Things were smooth afterwards. In fact, things were so smooth I was impressed by myself. *proud* I parked in front of my uncle's house, safe and unharmed, beaming like a smug torchlight. My parking was very slanted, but I THINK my parents park it this way too. *wishful thinking* Grandma was very proud of me though. :D

    So I bought grandma and myself food. Btw, do you know that if I'm alone, the aunty charges RM4 per person, if I'm with my mother, the aunty charges RM3 per person, and just now, when I was there with my grandma, I was only charged RM2 for each of us? Just saying. *shrugs*

    It was time for my grand finale, so I climbed up the car with my grandma looking at me with adoring eyes, and I couldn't turn the stupid key! There I was, turning and pressing with all I might, in vain. I held on to my ego and refused to ask for help, but finally my aunt came out, and all she did was shake the steering wheel for a few times and voila! The engine purred into life. My cheeks didn't fail me and refused to burn, and I graciously thanked my aunt and drove away, and all was well again. I didn't even get honked! (Yes it's a very important fact.)

    When I returned home, my parking was, oh well, horrible again, so I thought that I could perhaps adjust the car a little so I wouldn't look so much like a loser. But, I couldn't release the handbrake at all! No matter how hard I pulled, it defiantly ignored me, so I just gave up and jumped off the car, feeling very accomplished.

    Things were different at night though. My father wanted to see me drive, so I thought that I'd made enough stupid mistakes this afternoon to not repeat them tonight. Oh boy was I wrong. Well, to be fair, I didn't repeat the aforesaid stupid mistakes, but I sure felt stupid.

    I've always heard tales of how fathers are very nervous when their daughters drive, and my father vowed never to teach me drive because he was sure it would trigger his heart attack. I can totally relate to those daughters now, and I'm pretty sure my father would love to talk to their fathers about how much I suck too.

    Well, for starters, I went slowly because I knew that my father would freak if I drove fast, but he pointed out that if I went any slower, the car would come to a complete stop and some poor guy would crash into us. So I speeded up, and he told me to slow down again. And then, he kept pointing out that I was about to crash into something, how I was in the wrong lane. And when it came to praking, oh boy, he swore that cold sweat was running down his back, making me sound like a monster or something.

    In general, everything I did wasn't right, and he kept yelling in my ears, and when he yelled, I'd freak and stop whatever I was doing, which made him yell even more. He was so jumpy he made me jumpy, and I got so nervous I became a mechanical robot or something, only doing things when he told me to, so yea, I must've looked like a fool. He openly wondered if I've learnt anything at all from my driving instructor, but common! I passed the test didn't I? *pouts* When we reached home, he said shakily, 'Oh my heart attack,' which didn't make me feel bad at all. :)

    I have a feeling that I would be kept away from the car for some time until he recovers from this nightmare.

Get a Life

    A new Facebook page “I Hate Selena Gomez Cuz She is Dating My Man,” cropped up over the weekend, and has been inudated by nasty comments following the release of pictures from GoBiebs’ romantic getaway. Popular messages like, “I’m gonna kill ya in the night underneath your smell bed,” have quickly achieved “Most Liked” status among followers. Others opted for friendly advice over death threats. “Dear Selena Gomez. I hate you more than life. Go jump off a cliff. K? Bye,” Tweeted a Bieber fanatic. Another ominous Biebhead warned: “Selena Gomez is dangerously close to a long, slow painful death.” Others label 18-year-old Selena a “pedophile” for dating a boy a year younger than her. (via PopCrunch)

    So let me get this straight, you've created a hate site for a girl you've never met before because she is dating a guy you've never met before either? By this definition, can it be concluded that you want to kill a stranger because she is dating another stranger?

    You know, looking at this, I can really understand why the guy chooses her over you. I mean, one is a beautiful and accomplished public figure, the other is a psycho in need of medication. Not much competition is there? Of course, there is an added disadvantage of the guy never knowing the psycho before, except perhaps through his girlfriend's hate site where the psycho is bashing up his beloved girlfriend. Must've left quite an impression.

    I don't get it. You get all murderous on a girl because she is dating your dream guy, yet you call out to all the other freaks who want to eat up the guy too. Shouldn't you be eliminating the competition instead of cozying up to the enemy? In fact, it's more appropriate to start with killing them since they don't have guards and stuff around them.

    You should get over your pathetic self and wake up from your self delusion. Frankly speaking, I think you've lost your chance on any guy at all since you've openly publicized your violent side. Violence isn't really girlfriend material, is it?

Desperately Staying Awake

    Most people would turn in for an early night if they were traveling somewhere the following day. Well, my family is going to Melaka tomorrow. That explains why my house is now peacefully silent except for the songs I'm playing on my phone.

    But for me, it's the opposite. I try to stay up as late as possible, simply because I want to sleep through the horrendous journey, made so by the fact that I get severe motion sickness every time I get on something that moves.  So if I went to sleep, I'd feel suicidal by the pain in my head and contemplate jumping off the car the next day.

    I know there are people out there saying things like, 'There's no such thing as motion sickness. They are just making it up for sympathy,' that make me itch to slap them, especially when I am attacked by a raging headache brought on by motion sickness. I suppose they have never experienced motion sickness before and have no idea how ugly it can become.

    I've been accused of wasting time and opportunity because whenever I go on a vacation, I'd sleep like a baby as soon as I get on the bus, the rocking motion of the vehicle a loving cradle to me. They say that I should open my eyes and enjoy the view outside. Well, firstly, I have never been a nature person, so I don't think I'm missing out much. Secondly, it's near impossible to enjoy anything when your head is killing you. Thirdly, it's quite comfortable to sleep on a bus actually, so why waste the chance?

    I'm pretty sure I got it from my parents, who both complain of motion sickness too. Honestly though, this err problem is very inconvenient. I mean, I can't even enjoy myself on swings! Although I stubbornly get on them anyway.  *shrugs* And even when your eyes are closing against your will and your brain feels as though it's not functioning, you have to try to keep yourself awake anyway, trying to distract yourself from your sleepiness by doing random things like blogging. Like what I'm doing now. Call me a planner. :)

Making Up My Mind

    People always ask me why I am interested in law. Honestly, I don't know. I just feel like studying it. It's simply unexplainable.

    I've always thought of working along the lines of matrimony law, you know preparing prenuptial in case the couple with their pocketfuls of money decide to break up and hog up the other's money, or being in charge of divorce papers. I mean, that's easy money. Seriously, I hear those lawyers earn tons. Although I don't think Malaysia is catching up with the prenup and divorce trend yet, but we'll get there soon. *knocks wood at the same time though*

    Also, I've always imagined myself just dealing with easy paperwork. Like just working behind a desk and typing. That's one of the very few things I'm good at anyway. Words are something that I can understand and am adequate to deal with.

    Tonight, I decided to be a good student for once and researched on children's rights for MUET presentation. That was when I found out that I am really interested in children's rights. Maybe it has something to do with having three kids for siblings, but I really want to do something for children's rights.  Some people accused me of not being actually interested in law since I've never bought any law novels whatsoever, but I've always looked out for books (fictions actually) talking about children's rights. Does this prove that I am interested in children's rights after all?

    My past whims are just ways to slack and earn money at the same time. I'm not actually interested in matrimony law or property law or whatever I've considered before this. I mean, they seem to be so unrelated to me. How can I be interested in something I never bother looking into?

    But are children's rights something Malaysia actually pays attention to? I mean, I've always known that one cannot survive by interest alone. Besides, if I really want to defend children's rights, I might have to go to courts and stuff. And I've insisted time and again that I do not want to be a court lawyer due to my abysmal BM. Even if we were allowed to use English in court, if my opponent was using BM, I'd die because I would have a hard time trying to understand what he was saying in his professional sounding BM and wouldn't come up with anything to rebut his point as I had spent too much brain power understanding his words.

    Meanwhile, although I love reading up on children's rights, I'm getting tired of copying the entire Wikipedia page down. I suppose I have to stop being so lazy if I really wanna pursue children's rights too.

Fire

Got the plot from Zachary's essay for last year's trials. Was so bored I wrote it in a different way. Sorry Zach. :(

     She came into my life, a perfect symbol of fire, in a dazzling red dress swirling in clouds around her, burning my vision with her beauty, warming me up with her straightforward advances. Yes, she was the fire to my dull life.

     Her presence made me forget that I had a wife and two kids at home. The smoke from her fire had clouded my common sense. I already had a perfect job and a perfect life. She would definitely brighten things up further for me. I could only see the present, lighted up by her charming flame. The future was clouded by all the heat. The lack of clarity of the future seemed so exciting, so unexpected from my predictable life.

     Who would pass up on a chance like this? It all seemed so natural, so inevitable. A red-hot affair was in session. We would meet up every month or so in a secluded hotel, me getting comforted by her never ending supply of warmth. She was so sweet, so loving, and she never asked anything from me. I felt alive, living two lives at the same time: one as a responsible employee, husband and father, another as a carefree lover, feeling no guilt for cheating on his wife.

     I didn't know when, but one day, the fire just got too much for me. She got too much for me. Waves of conscience crashed over me and I started to miss a normal life. I missed being wholeheartedly there for my family. I wanted to feel like the clear-headed man I knew I was deep down inside, the man I was before I let fire burn him up. I wondered if it was too late to change back. So, I asked for a peaceful parting.

     Except fire couldn't be peaceful, could it? She threw a fit, destroying everything in the room with her red hot rage. I quietly observed the fire getting out of hand and left before I could get burn.

     Everything went back to the way it was. I threw myself into my work and family affairs. I gathered joy from the peace. I had enough of fire so I was reveling in the ever flowing, never changing stream of life.

     That is, until the day I got the call. The strangely calm voice of fire burned my ear. Who knew heat could travel through the phone? How could I expect to play with fire and leave unscratched?

     When I unlocked the door with trembling fingers, I already knew what to expect, but the scene still hit me senseless. I could see my wife and kids knocked out on the floor, bound tightly. She was standing over them, a lighter in her hand. The smell of kerosene in the air warned me that if she wanted to, she could really burn up everything in my life. How appropriate, I jeered at myself. I've always thought of her as fire, and now she's acting true to her nature.

     I didn't know what to do. I was struck dumb. One could never reason with fire, and I couldn't find my tongue anyway. Apparently she had no problem finding hers. The menacing glint in her eyes coupled with her threats were more than enough to get cold fear to grip my heart in a merciless grasp.

     Her hard words burned through the fog in my brain. Her fire was contagious. It burned through the icy cold terror. I grabbed the letter opener off the table beside me and, without having a clear idea why, I ran towards her and pushed the blade into her chest. The lighter dropped from her shock at my reaction and she collapsed onto the ground soon after.

     Ah, warmth. I looked at the red blood, still warm from her body, splattered on my hand. It seemed like a reminiscence of the heat brought on by the woman who was so alive with the fire burning inside her. Staring at the dripping red liquid, I knew I didn’t kill her, but I hoped that the fire would exist no more.

Burnt BMW a.k.a. My Mother's Old Car

I Hate Driving

    When I imagined myself driving, I've always thought of it as a concept, as something abstract, not in the sense of actually operating a four wheeled machine with the potential to kill. As a result, I'm confused and kinda freaked.

    My teacher admitted that she was scared out of her wits by my driving. *grimaces* Poor thing. The car bounced along with my every unconscious whim, and her head bounced on and off the headrest in rhythm. Every few minutes, she had to reach over to control the steering wheel to keep me from totaling the car and killing both of us. More than once, she had to yell in my ear to remind me what to do when I panicked. Though she was very nice at the end of the lesson and told me that the reason she yelled wasn't because she was mad but was caused by the fact that she had to keep my pathetic brain on focus. Sigh.

    The innocent car was tortured by my artless skills. More than once the engine died in the middle of the road as I mixed up all the annoying mechanics. I think I basically did every possible thing to hurt the car. The car would be very lucky to survive my learning. But hey! Isn't it supposed to be heavy duty? I mean, it's a car meant for ignorant drivers like me! *defensive*

    Maybe I'm not meant for driving after all. I can't remember all the troublesome steps to operate the car. I get jumpy after the car exceeded 20 or 30 km/j and I actually loved it when other cars cut the line because when they wandered off my sight they were not my responsibility anymore. My teacher kept telling me to relax my killer grip on the steering wheel. My eyes kept wandering off without my actual knowing to check if everything's in order. They expect us to multitask! I mean, I can barely control the stupid car, why do I have to take care of other stupid cars and the stupid people and the stupid animals and the stupid lines and the stupid rocks and stones by the stupid roads at the same time too? Gosh can't they sympathize with people who are stupid at driving like me?

    If someone gave me a car to drive right now, I would probably abandon it by the road and opt to walk on foot. Auto gear'd better be easier to operate 'cause that's my only hope now.

SPM Results

    I'm posting my results here because if someone asks me to analyze my results again, I'm either going to throw up or throw something at him/her. Don't congratulate me with your lies. I know what I did.

    BM               B+
    English           A+
    Moral            A-
    Sejarah          A-
    Maths            A+
    Add Maths    A+
    Physics          B+
    Chemistry      A
    Biology         A
    BC               A-
    GCE            1A

    Happy now?

First Time

    For UPSR, I was away on my primary school's graduation trip to Sarawak. So, my mother was the one who went to school and helped me get my results.

    For PMR, I was away on a family trip to Sabah. So, my bestie was the one who helped me ask after my results. I only got the slip in Form 4.

    For SPM, I'll have to face the lions myself. Fyi, SPM is the one of which I am the least confident in. I don't think I can handle the truth. The anticipation of getting the slip with my own hands ... It's something that accounts for the huge pressure suffocating my heart.

    I don't think I'm going to get any sleep tonight. Thank God I have Glee to stay up with me.

Freaking Out

    When I left NS, I thought that since I've survived without tv series for 3 months, maybe I should just quit my obsession, with the added advantage of saving my connection. And I actually managed to do exactly that till just now.

    I've been freaking out over SPM. Everyone has been.  I've had several nightmares about SPM and here's the conclusion: I'll be failing BM, BC and Physics and get C for BI while my bestie gets straight A+'s. Lovely.

    Anyway, I thought that maybe I should just watch Glee again, since I found out that I miss it horribly when I watched videos of it on Youtube. So, I actually downloaded 6 episodes of Glee, thus sacrificing my connection and in the risk of having no connection at all for the rest of this month, in hopes that I'll forget about SPM tonight.

    Guess what? It doesn't work. I'm still freaking nervous and I'm starting to get nauseous. That's my price for fooling around for the last two years I suppose. Oh btw, I'll be switching off my phone tomorrow so don't bother trying to reach me. I'm not going to humiliate myself publicizing my embarrassing results thank you very much. Sorry Grandma but my promise of telling you my results as soon as I get it? I'll be breaking it. You have other grandchildren to make you proud. :(